I’m sat here and I’m meant to be preparing to give a talk with the title; “being kind to yourself as a woman in business” but I’ve been stuck on what to say for a while now. So, I’m trying to embrace the “you are a writer” mentality I’m going to write my thoughts on the subject and see where that gets me…
Let’s start with why agreed to give this talk. I didn’t. I mean I didn’t just agree to it, I pitched the title and the topic.
You’d think that would make preparing for it easier, right?
Apparently not.
BIPC Devon Women in Business 2022
What happened was my business bestie had been approached to deliver a workshop as a part of the BIPC Devon Women in Business course, and being a legend who never fails to mention other women when she sees an opportunity for them, she also recommended me.
If you’ve not come across BIPC before then let me briefly explain who they are. The BIPC is the Business and Intellectual Property Centre run by the British Library (yep, the big one in London). They provide support, information, and training for things to do with business and intellectual property in the UK, most of which is free to access. They also have various regional centres. These are also found in libraries because libraries are awesome. BIPC Devon is the BIPC that is local to me.
Anyway, BIPC Devon got in touch with a list of the topics they wanted to cover and that they were looking for experts to deliver. It was a great list for business building. Super comprehensive and a blend of hard skills and soft skills, covering wellbeing and practical information. A couple of the topics seemed like a good fit for me, my knowledge, and my experience. I was going to just write back and say, “yep, sign me up for these” and simply select titles from the list, but the person who reached out from BIPC Devon had ended her email with; “please let me know what you think about the programme and if you think there is anything missing.”
I want to briefly stop here and talk about just how much of a rarity it is for someone to ask for specific feedback from people they don’t know. And just how brave and wonderful and practical it is. It provides the opportunity to hear other perspectives and to shape and form new ideas. So, big yay for that!
Anyway, back to the point I was making. What I thought was missing from the list, and that I would have benefited from being told earlier on in my business building, was that I was an important part of my business and that I really should treat myself as important. Yes, the wellbeing sessions were a part of that, but what I had never seen in a women’s business course was an emphasis on the fact that the founder of the business is the key part of the business, especially in the early years. So, I pitched the title back to BIPC Devon and they said yes.
A big part of why I think this needs to be spelt out more often, to women especially, is that we are so used to putting ourselves after other people, our responsibilities, and things that we ‘should’ be doing that it doesn’t even occur to us that we might need to prioritise looking after ourselves most of the time. Building a business is hard, it often takes longer than the internet might make it seem. If we do not prioritise being kind to ourselves whilst we work on our businesses, we are essentially building everything else on shaky foundations.
The BIPC Event Blurb
Here is an excerpt from the blurb I wrote for the talk.
“There are so many things that we as female business owners can and do excel at but being kind to ourselves is not always one of them. In fact, we sometimes don’t even realise just how incredibly and unnecessarily hard we are being on ourselves until someone else points it out. Not sure if this applies to you? Then consider if any of these statements sound familiar.
– I almost never give myself sick leave, paid holiday, or lunch breaks; I might be the worst boss I’ve ever had.
– I would never talk to a friend the way I talk to myself in my head about my ideas, my work, or my business.
– I often think that the way I run my business is not professional enough, or that I should be doing things the way other people do them.
– This list has the potential to go on and on, but you get the idea…
What it all boils down to is that as business owners we are usually the foundation of our businesses, especially when our businesses are young. This means that looking after ourselves is important and intentionally doing so usually has a significant return on investment. Adversely, not doing so can have serious negative consequences for our health and wellbeing, as well as our business profitability, growth, and longevity.
Does any of that sound familiar to you?”
Being Kinder to Yourself as a Women in Business Suggestions
The examples in the blurb are all from me, and how I treat myself. I am getting better at being kinder to myself, but as with so many worthwhile things it takes time. I am not some perfectly zen businesswomen (if you knew me personally, you’d absolutely laugh at that idea). But the following are some of the things I have learnt along the way that have helped me to shift towards being kinder to myself, and which have helped me to grow and sustain my business. Many of these things have also worked for my clients. Take what you need from it.
As you read the following suggestions remember that not all of these things will be right for everyone. People are different, situations are different, and solutions need to also be different.
Also remember that unlearning something that has become ingrained to the point of you not even noticing it takes time. There is a lot behind why we do this “unkind stuff” to ourselves. It is not easy to unpick. It is not a linear thing – we all go back and forward as we make progress towards being nicer to ourselves.
- Start with raising your awareness of how you treat yourself – this could be through journaling, talking to others, professional support such as therapy or coaching, or reading around the subject.
- Avoid the “shoulds” – if you are doing something only because you think that you should do it try to work out for yourself if you actually do need to do the thing. For example, do you need to send an email newsletter every week or do you think you should? What would work best for you, your business, and your customers. Would every 2 weeks work just as well, or maybe even better for you?
- Be realistic in your expectations of yourself and others.
- Avoid comparisonitus – it is so easy to compare ourselves and our business growth to others, but it is rarely useful and rarely gives us the full picture for an accurate comparison.
- Get support – look for mentors, therapists, coaches, community, coworking spaces, local development agencies, and free-to-access business support networks (like the BIPC and AWE – Accelerating Women’s Enterprise). You do not need to do it all alone. Why make it harder for yourself?
- Make practical business choices that support yourself – take breaks and holidays, learn to say no, have difficult conversations, don’t post on all social media platforms if you don’t need to, chose a Profit First financial model so that you can pay yourself…the list goes on and on.
- Make practical life choices that support yourself – take breaks and holidays, learn to say no, have difficult conversations, make time for hobbies and creativity, learn about your natural cycle and what it means for your energy levels, limit your time on social media…the list goes on and on.
- Put simply, think about how you want to treat yourself and then work out how to take small steps towards that.
- When you make mistakes, or when things take longer than you’d like them to, be patient and kind to yourself – these things are normal and not the end of the world.
The Workshop
Yes, these ramblings did help me to put together the workshop prep that I was previously struggling with. And yes, the workshop is far more useful and interactive than this blog post. You can watch the recording on the BIPC website. You will need to sign up for free access, this will also allow you to watch the rest of the BIPC Devon Women in Business Series and their other recordings. I highly recommend this as a free business development tool.
The Reading List
If you watch the talk, you will see that I refer to several books, for several reasons. Here is the recommended reading list that you will find on the final slides.
Playing Big by Tara Mohr
Daring Greatly by Brene Brown
Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself by Nedra Glover Tawwab
Judgement Detox by Gabrielle Bernstein
Profit First by Mike Michalowicz
Finish: Give Yourself the Gift of Done by Jon Acuff
Start With Why by Simon Sinek
Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert
The War of Art by Steven Pressfield
Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes (even super successful women still struggle with this stuff)
Why Women are Blamed for Everything by Dr Jessica Taylor (the psychology of victim blaming in our society including how does the media, education, cultures and beliefs – trigger warning violence against women)
You can see all of my book recommendations, and shop for your books independently by heading over to my bookshop.org shop. This is an affiliate link, meaning that if you follow the link and then buy from an independent bookshop via that link, I may earn commission. This does not cost you anything extra. You can always look at the reading lists and then choice to make your purchase else, or even head to your local library to borrow your next book.
What next?
That depends on what you need. Take a break. Read a book. Slowly, with no pressure begin to plan how you want to treat yourself within your business.
Only you know what you need next, trust yourself.
xxx
